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martes, junio 22, 2004

My Online Scrapbook... HAHAHAHAHA

Version: 3.1
GCS d- s: !a C++++ UL P+ L++ E W++ N o+ w--- O++ M K+++ V-- PS PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5 X+ R+ tv+++ b+++ DI+ D++ G++ e h- !r z?**

IF you love someone
THEN set her free
DO UNTIL she comes back

How To Install Love

Customer Service (CS) Rep.: Yes, Ma'am, how may I help
you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided
to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the

CS Rep.: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think
I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep.: The first step is to open your HEART. Have
you located your HEART, Ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other
programs running right now. Is it okay to install
while they are running?

CS Rep.: What programs are running, Ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW
right now.

CS Rep.: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase
PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It
may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no
longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually
overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to
completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off, Ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you
tell me how?

CS Rep.: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary

GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing
itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep.: Yes. You should receive a message that says
it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you
see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep.: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS
in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What
should I do?

CS Rep. : What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON
INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

CS Rep.: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem.
It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on
external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your
HEART. It is one of those complicated programming
things, but in nontechnical terms, it means you have
to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE"

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep.: Can you pull down the directory called

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep.: Excellent. You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep.: You're welcome. Click on the following files
and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite
any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF
CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your
recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely
and permanently gone and erased.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new
files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now
and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are
copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

CS Rep.: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but
eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper
time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be
able to handle it from here. One more thing before I

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep.: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its
various modules to everybody you meet. They will share
it with other people and then return some similarly
sacred modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way,
what's your name?

CS Rep.: You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also
known as The Great Physician, but most call me God.
Many people feel all they need is an annual checkup to
stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a
schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.
Put another way, keep in touch.


The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better." I can't understand why it won't work on my Linux

[Pollito Pito wrote in with an instance where the above slogan is true. The European ISP Chello states in its Installation FAQ that the recommended system configuration is "Windows 95/98/NT or better". It works fine with Linux, though. Which just proves what we've known all along.]

Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house.

Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment

We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity -- so UP yours, Microsoft!

Linux: The OS people choose without $200,000,000 of persuasion

If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah.

Linux: The choice of a GNU generation

"When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*'." -- Linus Torvalds

The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you
press 'OK' first.

Computers are like air conditioners -- they stop working properly if you open WINDOWS

Windows: Microsoft's tax on computer illiterates.

Linux: transforms your microcomputer in a workstation.
Windows NT: transforms your workstation in a microcomputer. (Submitted by Paulo F. Sedrez)

Double your disk space - delete Windows! (Submitted by Albert Dorofeev)

If your OS needs a virus detector... RUN!!!
...Out and buy Linux! (Tim Wright)

Reset button? Which reset button? - Linux, the OS that never sleeps.

Q: How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to write the HOWTO-LIGHTBULB-CRONJOB, and another to read it.

So what is the best way to protect yourself against the ILOVEYOU virus? Install Linux. If that's not an option, try uninstalling Windows.

Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off.


To segfault is human; to bluescreen moronic.

I'm still waiting for the "Honk if you hate Microsoft" [bumper sticker], but that might get annoying, everyone honking at you.

Windows 2000 is more secure than Linux...
Since the machine is offline half of the time because of crashes, it cannot be accessed globally,
therefore producing higher security.

If we added up all of the 2 cents that Slashdot readers gave, I wonder how much sense vs. cents we'd have.

Carpe Daemon -- Seize the background process!

Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.

It's all GNU to me.

Why would people waste their time developing viruses for Microsoft products when Microsoft does such a good job itself of adding in bugs which crash your system?

Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet. The Internet: Designed for UNIX.

Windows 98 hasn't crashed for me once in over a year, either. Oh, wait, I haven't booted it in over a year.

Geeks aren't interested in politics because government doesn't double its efficiency and speed once every 18 months.

Linux: Because rebooting is for adding hardware
Solaris: Because you don't need to reboot to add hardware
Windows: Because rebooting is for adding hardware, adding software, regularly scheduled downtime, and should also be done on a daily basis to keep the machine running.

Slight disorientation after prolonged system uptime is normal for new Linux users. Please do not adjust your browser.

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